Anish Nadh’s Blog

I spent my day at home today, I wanted it to be a free day. I just wanted to be on bed and cuddle with my pillow and watch a movie. But nothing happened.  This was my schedule (time mentioned is not accurate but around that time)  6:45 ish, woke up stayed on bed! 9:00 am breakfast, vitamin D, conversations with mom 10:00 am work out  11:00 am cleaned my bedroom, oil bath and shower  1:30 lunch.  2:00 pm: hit the bed 2:05 pm hungry, so took the scooter out and bought dates and pistachios  2:30 pm checked student assignments, ate about a mouthful and half of dates and a hand ful of pistachios.  4:00 pm still hungry manifested a mutton biryani.  5:00 pm ish: I slipped and fell face first into a mutton biryani and mutton curry. That was the BEST aromatic fragrant biryani and the curry was sooooo good! This was the highlight of the day! 6:00 pm : Abhay calls me for a master class to learn a song, and we worked on it till 8:45. He’s insanely hard working and talented! The best part is I lear

The sculptor finished carving his deity, but Her eyes!  He looked at every woman’s eye,  Hoping to find inspiration for Her eyes! He was never satisfied.  Then he surrendered to the idea,  Of having Her in Her meditative state.  He would just carve Her eyelids!  With Her eyes gently shut.  He knew he would have ruined it,  If he had craved Her eyes.  Maybe his Goddess didn’t want to open Her eyes.  She was just wandering inwards! 

I woke up at 6:30 am, did my chores, piano assignments and then I got really sleepy by 11:00 am Meanwhile Andy and Solomon called in to check on me. And we ended up talking and I missed my shower.  I took a very tiny nap and was interrupted by Amazon delivery of my neighbour, at #17, they had put #19 in their address. I went out and spoke to them, to change the number in their address as this was the 5th time this month! Then there were calls ; marketing calls, student enquiries. I was getting restless and irritated by now. I went to my quiet place for a bit, in my studio. And it was time for classes at 4:00  I taught music till 8:30pm Andy and Solomon wanted to plan an evening out, I think it was just to cheer me up.  We went to New Bel, meanwhile Andy found Tanya and her cousin Akshay on his way and got them riding triples on the bike! We had shawarma and icecream at Milano. We hung out, talked and joked about stuff. It was a fun evening.  I reached home at around 12:30 and crashed a

I got my car checked  at Mandovi at New Bel Road. The stepeny needed a replacement after my parents busted a tire and almost met with an accident. It costed me ₹7500 for just the rim. I ordered it, and once that arrives, I will have to change all 5 tyres!  My day was great, I’m glad and privileged to have shared and listened today.  I got a message from Roy, who reads my blogs saying he resonates with my blogs. Maybe all of us are going through a lot of issues. All part of adulting I guess. We are all learning! So shout out to Roy! 

Extreme was my favorite band, they had songs like More than words and Hole Hearted .  This is my favorite song by Extreme,  When I first kissed you . My love life is a tragic comedy, can’t get any more oxymoronic than this! I’ll tell you why I like this song.  Firstly, this band has heavy guitars in all the songs. This one has no guitars. Just piano, strings and a double bass and light drums. You can hear the New York Jazz in this one.  Secondly, I had goosebumps, when I listened to it for the first time.  Thirdly, this is personal. Ps: I’m not thinking about an ex here. Just enjoy the song.  Bye!

  * Had this awesome ragi mudde for lunch today!  One thousand days of writing these blogs. That’s like a long time, a sneak peek into my brain. I have had some good memories to go through. Some fiction, some poems with hints of non mentionable happenings, some really questioning my mental health. I’m an artist, Just let me be huh?  I started writing when I was letting go of people from my life. I kept a handful of close friends and cut contacts with so many and never went back. I gave up alcohol and smoking. I had an urge to drink quite recently and the boys bought me a Corona beer! I couldn’t drink it because the bottle fell down and broke. I’ve been sober since 9th January 2019.   September 27, 2021 was when I wrote my first blog.  Looking back, I see steady growth. I cleaned up my act, health, finances and business. Now I need to upscale.  Every time when I made a drastic change in life, I lost some friends, and those who really mattered stuck around. At this point, I feel I’m stuc

Reality hit hard today.  Punched me on my face!  It hurt for sometime.  I didn’t know what to do!  I was almost knocked out.  Then I remembered my vow,  Of not giving up!  A distant voice told me, To “Take it like a man”!  And that’s what I did!  I can’t win em all!  But I know I play fair!  I’m honest to myself!  If it hits me again?  I’ll take it like a man!  *2 red-dragon fruits. Subtle way of depicting manliness ! 

It was her maiden concert! Thermal and a Quarter live at Palace Grounds. Everyone were raving about this band! The front man Bruce Lee Mani on guitars and vocals, Rajeev on drums, Leslie on bass and Tony on a guitars. Her boyfriend knew every one!  She tagged along, it was his favourite band. She never really listened to this band or indie music, grew up listening to the South Indian film music that her dad played on a Sony tape recorder. She felt a little out of place. She would’ve preferred a good Ilayaraja or Rahman number. As the band started playing, the distorted guitar and drums gave her a headache! She looked around to see everyone grooving to the music. She tapped her feet and nodded along to fit in, catching the boyfriend’s eye. He smiled at her, mouthing the song Bruce was belting; “ Paper puli ” nudging her to sing the hook. She smiled, looking at him enjoying the show.  She was now getting tired, hungry and her legs were giving up. She whispered in his ear, “Let’s go get s

I feel. I breathe.  I’m alive.  Im still. 

Satan challenges a guitarist to play a piece of music on paper, failing which, he will take his soul. The guitarist, glances at the sheet of paper and finds it too easy to play. He takes the music sheet, puts it on a table and starts playing.  A string breaks, cutting his finger, mid performance. He bleeds and a drop falls on this sheet, and immediately it transforms into a music note on paper. Now the guitarist has more notes to play. The sheet absorbs another drop, and the music gets more difficult, also thanks to a missing string. Guess what! things gets worse, another string breaks, and another one, and  the notes keep increasing. The guitarist is so good, he’s able to read and play the music even with the broken strings.  Finally the sheet music comes to an end, to his relief, and the guitarist gives a satisfying grin, but one final drop falls on the paper and transforms into a “repeat” sign. And Satan goes “ now play again”. I vividly remember this scene, but I’m not sure if I sa

Today was a nice day! I was super focused, I started my day writing! followed by a tall glass of cucumber juice followed by breakfast. I sent my piano assignments and worked out. It was a very nice day with a lot of reflection and ideas. I saw a movie, The Menu ! It was amazing to see the head chef, being all artistic with his food. He goes over board with the presentation and delivery! Midway through, I craved for a burger. "You will eat less than you desire and more than you deserve". I saw this movie sped up a little and it seemed normal to have it sped up, perhaps the movie was slow, and I had to start classes at 4:00! I worked from 4pm to 9:00pm straight! Meanwhile, I craved for some pakoda that someone posted yesterday, and mentioned it to mom and sent her the recipe. And there it was on my table! I had it with some black coffee. Must wait and see what tomorrow brings. So I'll leave you with a song. Enjoy Drive, Incubus  

Today it was paper work day! I sat with my CA, Raghavendra and did some financial planning. I looked at my travel plans, talking to uncle Suku from the Netherlands. I also planned my music school’s goals this year! By God’s grace everything is falling in place. I’ll say more when it all falls in place.  I have shamelessly announced my Netherlands travel, but the visa may not come through, sadly. I’m literally jobless on papers. Perks of being an artist! Maybe I’ll take up a real job soon if the visa doesn’t go through! I love the discipline the corporate structure brings but not the boring desk job. So, struggling musician it is for now! There are enough contradictions in my head already!  And I’m almost there with 1000 blog posts just a few more to go! Do I stop after 1000 or continue? Let me know!  Cheers Anish. 

May you heal,  From surface pain!  Your bones, your tissues, your cells, your genes,  May they work in unison for you! May you use all your senses to it’s optimum! May the cold and pathogens not get to you!  May you be strong!  Heal From doubt,  From thoughts,  From fear,  From anger,  From resentment,  From the past.  May your soul find peace, Through your passions,  May you find the courage to forgive yourself and others! Rest well love!  Heal well! 

 I cleaned the backyard today, removed some weed growing and stacked the compost pile with mom, cleared pumpkin patch. I pulled down some small orange coconuts and drank water from it. I worked till I was shaking. I did 45 squats and had a long warm shower then I completed my piano assignments.  Kirtana had called me to the farm to open for percussionist Karthik Mani. So I went there, met a lot of people from Greece. They seem to be enjoying our traditional food and culture. They invited me to their booze party tomorrow as they will be done with the course tomorrow, but I have a lot of pending classes from today, rescheduled to tomorrow, so I passed the offer.  Ujwal was with me, I bought him a beer on the way back and drove towards home. We will stop for dinner somewhere. 

Rajesh chetan and his wife Sharon chechi came over to finish the recording today in the evening. I thought of just staying in practicing guitar and catching up with my piano assignments today. But this recording work came out of no where so, work I did!  I started my day late. I stayed in bed browsing YouTube, listening to songs, napping in between. It was one of those days. I didn’t feel like going to church, when Ujwal woke me up between all this. It’s a holiday for everyone tomorrow coz of Eid.  I ordered biryani from nandana palace, had lunch with Ujwal. Then Rajesh chetan called. I then played guitar until he knocked my door at 3:45.  After the recording, I met a new student who joined my music classes, Aarav, he’s quite smart and talented.  Now I’ll go catch up with the boys. It’s gonna be good day.  PS: I did 100 pushups and a few pull ups. I’ll add squats tomorrow! 

I woke up at 6:15 today, and did abhayanga like my grand father used to do. After that I laid still on a reed mattress till 7:30, after a glass of cucumber juice. Shower at 7:30, breakfast at 7:45! I’m so thankful for mom, who knows I have a long day and she had my meals ready for me.  I had classes with Zoey, Durga, Kanish, Tiara, Avir, Joann, Joanna and Sahyadri! I was exhausted by now.  Camy checked in on me and asked me to join the boys Andy and Solo on discord, we watched a movie called “US” while Camy snored through the movie enjoying Autumn in Canada.  By now my back started hurting so bad, So I did some hanging and a few pull ups. I went quite hard on my body.  I met Solomon and he had church practice, so when he left, I got some cutlets (veg) and some extra for home. I was very hungry today!  I finished class at 7:30, quick dinner and recording songs for a client from 8:00 to 9:30.  Every inch on my body is sore! Looking forward to crash already. 

Today an old student of mine pinged me on Instagram, after I posted an old video of mine. Looks like he’s auditioning for a spot in his college band now and he also has a show this Sunday with his band.  I still remember him, when he came to me in his 4th grade, how soon time has passed! He also shared some of his videos ! He plays pretty well for a 16 year old! This made me happy!  I’m slowly getting back on track with my own things. I’m in the process of letting go of things that don’t belong to me. In fact nothing belongs to me. Everything is within me. The me in me is seeing the you within me clutching a redmi eating ramen from Youmee and we are in one happy place. Hope that made sense.  Now off I go to trip on some Swami Nityananda stuff! Bye!  

How do you not say anything when you have to show up to write this blog everyday? You cant! You just show up and do it anyway,  After my accident, my routines have been a mess. I never worked out after that, the gym closed down for renovations. Not working out has caused my mind to wander, seeking validation, being emotionally drained out, not sleeping well. So I’m using whatever this is, as an opportunity to pick myself up. I am already working out throughout the day. I’m not going to sit around. It’s not going to be easy but I’m up for this challenge. If it kills me so be it!  I’m also ignoring wandering thoughts and bringing it back to where it’s really needed. Wherever focus goes energy flows.  Secondly, I have to sort out all the things I really want to do. Make a checklist of sorts and check them one by one.  A wise man once said nothing, perhaps he just showed up everyday. 

I let some emotions take over me today. I did something wrong. I cried a little bit. I think I will carry this guilt to my grave. That’s my curse.  I’m trying to snap into my zone. I will be strong and hope to  find courage in these tough times. Things happen for a reason. Destiny can’t be changed! Accept, learn and move on.  Stay strong! 

He really loved Duck roast with his tapioca and toddy. But the doctor strictly told him to stay off “Duck” as it had “high cholesterol”, completely ignoring his alcoholism, which was always allowed in moderation . He never really enjoyed red meat and even those were banned by the doctor. Chicken was avoided after a series of “heat issues”, it never settled in his stomach well. Now he was not allowed to eat “Duck” . He wondered what to do with the one he had just bought, a couple of weeks ago to be precise. Eating the Duck could kill him and the Duck. He named her mrs. Quacks, fed her, cared for her, even talked to her. Cute beak, eyes and long neck, he would’ve eaten mrs. Quacks, in a gulp, after cooking of course .  He pondered, and decided to release her in the wild! There may be other wild animals, or worse other humans, hunters lurking to eat his precious mrs. Quack. He picked up mrs. Quacks, walked to the lake, where a few other ducks played and released her by the stream saying,

I am what you call the “toxic masculine” guy! I realized this the past few months. I built my calluses from 3 women who broke me, lied to me and cheated on me only because, I was a nice guy! Nice guys are not what anyone wants. Nice guys are not interesting, they are boring!  So if you’re around me ladies, don’t expect me to be the nice guy. I have learnt my lesson!  I am brutally honest! I do not pretend to be a friend, to simp around. I am NOT capable of maintaining “just friendship” with women I find beautiful. If you’re a woman and if I call you friend, you are ugly to my eyes, friend!  I say this with all humility with my 5 feet 5 inch frame. I confront anyone who I think is spewing bullshit. I also respect people who converse with me on my bullshit.  However, I have shown a few of you my softer side, and you think you are getting a kick out of my kindness. Let it be known to you that, I may be a liar! This blog maybe a lie! All these niceness you see, could be a lie! So, STAY THE

I recorded Mr. Rajesh today. He wanted to sing Sajni over a karaoke track. It was a quick one.  Then after he left and because the mic was all set up, I spent some time recording my voice on Please Forgive Me by Bryan Adams. It was a tough song to sing. The pitch was quite high. I closed the studio door and felt everything the lyrics had portrayed and poured myself into it. Then I deleted it. I sang ok, but I didn’t want anyone to listen to it.  ps: I didn’t shower today. So don’t judge. 

Earth and Air!  He was grounded, She loved to fly!  They called her The Water Bearer, While, I was just a Goat!  Air, she blew everything she had,  Water and all.  She  poured her torrential rain,  Into the scorching sun burnt dry Earth!  “You’re warm” said she.  “And You’re cold” said I. We shook our hands,  Testing each other’s might! She felt weak, after all she was just Air! I was wrong!  She then engulfed me, took me to space!  She was just everywhere!  She even filled the vacuum I had within me. I breathed her! I tried to hold on to her.  I couldn’t contain her!  She just blew me away!  The dust settled in The Earth, craved for Air again.  Or at least a breeze in my direction. She was nowhere to be found!  I asked, but got no reply. 

 I woke up at 6:14, showered and got ready. Had breakfast that mom made, idli’s with gatti coconut -agathi chutney, that was tough to swallow.  I went to Orion mall today, just did some window shopping and got a perfume.  Then I got home lunch was pulao and, it was delicious. Then  a small nap, classes then it was going well then I listened to some silence.. yes. You heard it! Silence. 

 6:14 am! I took a shower and got ready for class at 7:00 am! But the class got cancelled. So I ended up playing the piano and guitar and singing some old songs.  Then I lost the mood to play the instrument and came back to bed sweating! Then I listened to a lot of Tamil songs, some of which I want to arrange on guitar. Maybe I was listening to a lot of melodic sad songs, the voice lulled me to a semi sleep state.  Then it was class time from 4:00 till 8:30 pm. Long day. 

I ate a piece of happiness, Carrot Halwa. I was only there while it was grated and cooked , the taste was just amazing. I liked it cold!  I had/have a lot of classes today. I enjoy teaching music. I bear the responsibility of teaching someone a skill! Maybe Vihaan will play the piano and impress a girl or Durga, will write her own songs. Or  Ivan, completely obsessed with learning the most difficult songs that even his teacher (me) can’t play. I had some real good satisfaction, listening to my students play. They are all getting better. Let me write something silly to celebrate.  “Hey Anish, get in the car!” Round the block, “now get out” You’ve dreamed a quick one,  Your walk back home was heavy,  Yet, smiling coz you’re very silly! 

One of those days where I don’t want to write anything! I have nothing to say. Here’s some perspective. As an artist / musician, gaining attention is very important. Art is made for the others to enjoy. But what if it was made for yourself?  Or what if it was made for just one another person will it be seen as anything of value? No. Art is only valuable when it is accepted by a big group of people.  What if I wrote songs for you? Only you? You would enjoy it for a few days, then you get bored! A rare flower blooming in a dense forest only exists when someone discovers it and shares it with others. So until it is discovered, it does not exist. Art does not exist without the audience. 

I am finally settling in after the accident, Exodus camp, Kerala trip and now Infinite souls camp. I started cleaning my house. Today it was the bookshelf. It had gathered dust and the camera installation crew left a lot of dirt. I wiped the books and the shelf in the office space.  In between cleaning I was also learning to play some songs on piano, Ujwal came down and spoke to me. He’s resigning from work and now he’ll move to UK soon. I really like my family to be abroad, I can visit and stay with them. I’m also planning a trip to Netherlands this year with Denzil.  I had some self reflection today while cleaning, about how people who are vulnerable are used and how they over come that, I felt proud to think about people like that. They will rise like Phoenix from the ashes. I won some, I lost some. I did tear up  But it’s always a win-win situation for me because I don’t use people. I decided to love unconditionally, without expecting anything in return.  I’m so happy that I lost. 

The day started at around 3:30 am. I couldn’t sleep, I was wondering if anyone was awake at this time! My phone had no WiFi, and it was pitch dark with Jung  ku e surrounding my cottage to step out. I stayed awake playing chess. At around 5:00 Prerna called us, Felix and I woke up. But I decided to go back to sleep.  I woke up again at 7:30 am, to the sounds of birds. I got ready to watch hunger games, where the kids divide themselves into teams and shoot each other with coloured water guns. The game got over at 11:00 only then the kids were fed. Breakfast was upit. It was delicious!  Kuki and I set up the sound. Nikhil Fernandez also came by on his new bike. We jammed on guitar, like old times, he even showed me pictures from the old camp days while he was still in school.  The kids the performed the songs I taught, it sounded really nice. We then had lunch together, it was veg biryani. I packed and drove back home.  I was so glad to be home, to be connected to the grid. I also wrote

  Woke up at 6:00 and rounded up the kids. I planned to shower after the trek. I was at the tail end of the trek. Nikhil was the head! He kept feeding the kids grass, wild fruits and berries on the way. I was surprised to taste wild lemon grass! It was very lemony with a hint of sweet.     At the summit, we spent 15 minutes in silence.   I had been at the same place years ago just after a break up. While we sat there in silence, I was filled with gratitude with the way my life turned out to be.  After the trek, we had breakfast! Felix made idlis with some amazing chutney. I even ate the chilli that was so delicious.  Then I spent time with Durga and Baha and taught them their guitar parts. We also jammed quite a bit. Lunch was served warm, Rajma and rice. It was yum!  Then I rehearsed with all the kids and we played some popular tunes together! I loved these jamming sessions. We continued acoustically after the power cut.  Later I spent time with Kuki. He gave me a lot of insights on r