Anish Nadh’s Blog

I couldn’t sleep last night. At around 5:30 am I heard a child scream as if he was being beaten up and I went out to investigate. My Neighbour was hitting his wife, chasing her and their son out of the house. A lot of people gathered and stopped him from hitting her. There was lot of argument between them. Police was called, they came and took the complaint and left.  My mom asked me to buy an umbrella for Janani akka. So I ordered one from Amazon.  I worked out. My back hurts, but I’ll still workout. I am getting back to my routines I had before my accident.  I have to lean on my own spine and I will stand tall again. 

When do we move on? Aren’t we over complicating this? Calling each other names and pointing fingers at each other. Will that solve the issue? Is there an issue in the first place? What is it that we want to heal? Hurt ego? Guilt? Reputation? Or is it resentment? Why all the hate?  It’s just us. Small souls with big ego. Just breathe. We’ll be ok. Won’t we? 

I bunked church, I didn’t feel like going. I stayed in reading books. I also planned my week, checked assignments, cleaned, listened to music and ordered in chicken biryani from Andhra Gunpowder. It was so spicy, I enjoyed the chilies in it (until next morning).  Then I got my bike washed, and took it out for a spin. It was a boring day until Solomon and I decided to hang out at  Bel Road with Andy! My appetite was through the roof on Sunday!  I had egg-cheese shawarma, at Smokey Dockey. Downed it with some coffee at IDC, while the boys ate idlis. I had my small guitarlele with me that I kept playing and ordered a sugarcane juice. Then we went to Milanos. I ordered waffle with blueberries and bananas!  Then I ordered a pineapple popsicle. Had that with some chili flakes and tobasco sauce.  We ended the night with some fun conversations and stories from the past!

Another hectic day yesterday! I had classes from 8:30 am to 7:30 pm with just 2 hours break from 1:00 to 2:00 and 4:30 to 5:30. It was a productive day!  I ended up working even during the breaks, making some calls to find venues and budgeting them.  After classes, I was tired, I ended up watching an interview of Hanumankind and I noticed how he was grateful about the support he got from his family and friends. A rather different story, compared to the artist who is always fighting against the odds. I then decided to read a book, but that was just a decision, I didn’t have the brain space to read and assimilate knowledge.  So, I lay awake, thinking, playing some online chess, listening to S.O.A.D. I really needed that energy! Then, I had this urge to play my guitar. So I played in front of the mirror, correcting my fingers through the exercises, till my fingers fell off!  I hopped in my bed with some chess/podcast and drifted to sleep! 

The pumpkin patch had over-grown on the ground. So, yesterday I took some choir ropes and made a trellis. I was careful to keep the ropes way over our heads. I really don’t like the pumpkin, I love eating the flowers, with some eggs. This pumpkin was supposed to be butter nut squash (which I love), sadly it ended up being regular pumpkin.   I had to be super careful to not cut the vine while getting the plant on the ropes. I messed up a little but it was worth the fight

Andy came over yesterday and we hung out, chatting about “stuff”. It’s privileged information so, not gonna share it here. I rescheduled some classes so we can hang out some more. We had lunch that my mom prepared, chicken curry, rice, pumpkin-beans, beetroot thoran (Andy loved it). It was fun. Solomon joined us later and we went to have samosa at a Bengal sweets place near by.  We chatted with the owner there, whose son was an executive chef at Hilton in Paris. He told us about his humble beginnings after they moved to Bangalore. We do get curious to know the stories from people that inspire us. I had utmost respect for this man.  I made them laugh with my Bengali accent, which I picked up from some neighbors at Millers Road, back during the school days.  It was time for my classes and Andy and Solomon left. I got a few travel offers to Bali and Turkey from an agent. It’s so tempting to go and is working out cheaper than I expected. But I’ll wait, and apply to Amsterdam again in the n

Guitar it is! I am postponing my trip this September and buy the 12 string guitar instead. I will attempt to go abroad next year again. I really wanted to check off going abroad this year but I’m not doing it. It’s ok if things don’t go according to plan.  I will stay consistent with the things I’m supposed to do. I will let go of things that are not meant for me.  I will work harder and smarter. 

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Murphy’s law!  My day started off bad. I had a fever last night, I was shivering. I had my socks and sweater on. Took a dolo. I can’t remember when I slept, I woke up at 3, with the urge to vomit. I puked some bitter bile. I saw my phone had messages from a close friend. I waited till sun break, I call this friend and after the call, I get blocked.  My head hurt, I somehow got through lunch. Then the courier arrived. My visa is rejected. What a day!  Rejections are not new, life goes on. Looking forward to what future holds. But I’ll see you sometime soon, friend and Netherlands. It’s only a matter of time. 

A lot of work was done today. I washed, dried and folded my clothes. Thankfully the sun was bright until evening.  Today was a semi productive day. I spent a lot of time making a list of my goals this year. A day well spent planning! I kept chanting my usual “planning is nothing without execution” to myself.  I started with the 478 breathing, guided by Andrew Weil and that relaxed me. I did 50 pull ups and 50 push ups throughout the day till I had blisters in my hands! Then I plotted an Eisenhower’s matrix to build a to do list.  I’m still a work in progress and don’t know much about organizing my life. But I dedicated timelines for my goals. Just starting with 2 small goals for 2 weeks, and building it from there!  Earlier this week, I bought 2 Bryan Adams tickets for his December show in Bangalore. Everyone has been calling me to see if I’m willing to part with it! I gave a stern “No way” to anyone asking. The +1 ticket will go to a worthy person let’s see ya’ll be nice to me, so I c

It was Bangalore’s Avril Lavigne aka Varsha’s birthday today. She was so passionate about singing, back in the days and now, she doesn’t sing anymore. We had reconnected over some pub-g games during Covid. Her family went through a tough time during Covid. She lost her dad .She was devastated and at the same time was in touch with me when my mom was down with Covid giving me all the support and reassurance. She used to send me food from her place at Millers Road and visit me with her husband Carl and go to IKEA.  She always made me feel special on my birthday, sending me cakes she baked etc. It was her birthday today, so I packed all her favorite snacks and also a gift and portered it to her.  She, in return sent me biryani from Khazana, my niece and I wiped it out of existence. Varsha and I later caught up over a call and spoke about aging parents. She promised to send me pastas next time she made some!  It was also Hasini’s birthday. I sent my wishes to her and she sent me back a voi

Yesterday, I noticed two tailor birds gathering and building their nest in my verandah, on one of those indoor plants, (which is now kept outdoors). I sat down by my window waiting, watching them hard at work, building their home. I read up about this bird, here  . It was fascinating to know that only the female builds the nest while the male accompanies her, cheering her on I guess. Soon they will finish their home and move in, lay some eggs have little birds in there in no time.  This made me think about people, doing similar things. Finding a partner, working together, taking care of young ones, paying EMI to their homes, taking care of family. Beautiful.  

Yesterday I connected my MPK mini to my laptop and explored some sounds. I enjoyed the process of making electronic music, I’m getting used to it, watching videos, learning music production. I’ve steered clear off mainstream music with the idea of seeking “inspiration”, I want this one to evolve from me. I had no idea how time passed by! Looks like this is something that I will enjoy for sometime.  Gonna be doing a lot of these now. Here’s something I worked on long ago. SoundCloud  

Dear God,  I accept I’m a nobody. I’m worth nothing. I’ll be gone from the face of the earth like everyone else. Keep me humble. Also keep the ones dear to me safe and be with them wherever they are. Help them heal from sickness.  My circle is getting smaller. Thank you for showing me that I’m replaceable, and I shouldn’t take anyone seriously. Thank you for putting people in my life who become my life lessons. Continue to bless them, they have their own battles, give them the wisdom and understanding to live a happy life.  God, It appears like I  am forcing myself into people’s lives.  Give me the wisdom, understanding  and courage to deal with this. Only you know the truth and you know what’s best for me. I leave every thing at your feet.  Thank you for food, clothes and shelter. Thank you for music. Thank you for blessing me with wealth and health. Thank you for family, who is silent and gives me my space. Thank you for concerned friends. Once again I leave everything with you. your

I float,  Ground is just a memory,  I’m lighter than air,  Gravity has no effect on me,  A gentle wind takes me away, “Just don’t look down!” I looked up to the sky!  Light from the sun hit my eye,  I woke up.  I woke up on the ceiling,  I’m still dreaming,  Why is my home upside down?  What happened here?  Who did this to me? “You did this to yourself”  Came a familiar voice from outside, Followed by a group, laughing loudly. Relief, she’s around!  She’s alive! I relocated under the blades of the fan  I heard a switch  The blades of the fan moved.  Sucked me in  My head, fell on the floor with a thud. Blood splattered all around.  I heard laughter,  “That fool’s dead now” 

 I took my day off  after 7:30 pm. I didn’t feel like working. I couldn’t show up to class today! I just couldn’t focus. Mom had my food ready at 6:00, I will eat after writing this blog.  I sat in a dark room, trying not to think. I may have taken a nap in between. Everyone I care about are alive and well. I’m happy. I have to get some sleep tonight or I’m going to have a bad headache. So I’m going to take that one drug that always puts me to sleep! Book! 

Just to focus on the best thing to happen today, it was playing guitar with my students Ryan and Abhay. Ryan and I warmed up with some finger style, He’s always suggesting new songs to upload on my reels. After Ryan’s class, Abhay came by, and we jammed from 6:30 to 8:00. We spoke about building a career in music. He was more curious to know why I stopped playing live gigs.  I have noticed this, if anyone played music for the wealth it brings, they were never successful. Whereas, if they just did it for the love of it, wealth was bestowed to them. My happiness is with my students who are doing exceptionally well. I live my dreams through them. Some are writing their own songs, playing college gigs, they just do it for the love of it.  This also took me back to my band days with Slain. I would leave to college at 7:00 am and after college and band practice I would reach home at 10:00 pm every single day. It was all for the love of music. We created our own songs, cut an EP, played gigs

 Evening, it got a lot windier and poured heavily. All my students rescheduled their class due to bad weather or the WiFi not working except Mr.Muthu. I spent my time listening to song covers. It was an amazing day.  We can’t have everything we want, some things are far beyond our reach. Some things take time. I’m so looking forward to this week. Bring it on! 

It was love at first sight again! She had this amazing body!  Perfect skin, I held her arm, Pulled her close to me in an embrace,  Sat with her for a few minutes!  She talked and I was silent!  Then I stared at her for a bit And let her go. 

Burnt scalp, Burning eyes,  Burnt cooker   Everything burns around me, I burnt in your fire too,  While getting some warmth out of you.  Moth to flame was I  I burnt good.  Maybe I need to burn a cigarette,  Watch it burn,  No puffing.  Watched it burn just like I was.  Your words, were like dragon breath,  I just listened!  Two burning souls,  Sharing some light in the darkness.  She rained on me,  Can I handle the rain?  No! But it sizzled the burn.  Reign on me again. 

After class today, Andy and I got into a call. We reminisced about my barefoot walk of shame to Jayanth uncle’s house. Andy really saved my life that eventful day. Anyway, we owe each other. We added Solo and Ujwal into the call and played chess. Divya also joined in for a few games. It was fun to team up against her.  I got really hungry and ordered shawarma! I ate two of them! I don’t know where my appetite came from. We continued chatting about future plans and our never ending crush - Adele.  This is my favorite song from her covering Bob Dylan ’s Make you feel my love - Adele .  Who do you think did it better? 

Wouldn’t it be nice,  To just be with someone,  If not forever,  Atleast for a while? You sit together in silence,  Sometimes a long drive,  Listen to songs, walk! Where did I lose my love?  It’s all fleeting moments,  Of memory.  Where do I find my love?  Today I passed through the paths, Where two lovers walked barefooted,  Their feet bled, while they clutched each other, They just didn’t care then.  Love, they say, is a wonderful thing! I saw love today,  I tried reaching out.  Love was far-far away.