Anish Nadh’s Blog

2024, what a year it has been! Lot of learning, growth and experiences. The year started with an accident! I didn’t walk for 3 months. I spent my time contemplating a change in career, but eventually decided against it.  Then, I picked myself up, did 2 music workshops and a student concert. This gave my students and me the confidence on the journey we are taking with music.  I have a lot of people to be thankful for.  Mom! What an amazing woman! She’s a power house, keeping it all together. Can’t thank her enough for the meals, love and care she shows towards me.  Andy! My brother, I have watched him grow from a small boy to a fine gentleman through the years. We have shared a lot of moments and laughter together. I’m very proud to see how he picked himself up.  Solomon! Sibling from another mother. I talk to him about almost everything I’m going through and he patiently listens to every thing with no judgements.  Tanya, oracle. Calm and sensible person! Sh...

I am friends with Allen and Jincy from years ago. Circa 1998. And we all knew they were secretly dating. But now, today they got married! Both of them were in tears while reading their vows.  Denzil, Solo, Andy, Issac and I were the best men, for obvious reasons! We made sure he was ready by 2:30. I also played guitar for the church choir.  After the wedding all of us hung out and chatted silly things. We left the church at 11:30 pm. Denzil drove me home. 

 At church, we practised for Allen’s wedding. The choir was singing a song. Sam and Soumya invited us for lunch. Andy, Solo and I reached there at around 1:30. We played sequence and Mafia. It was fun! We took turns roasting each other.  After this all of us went to Denzil’s place to celebrate Joy uncle’s birthday. I drank whiskey, coffee liqueur, gin, wine and lots of beer! We enjoyed our time as the roasting continued. Tomorrow is Allen’s big day. I have to pick up my bike that’s given for servicing before I head out to church tomorrow! Let the wedding shenanigans begin. 

Allen and Jincy are getting married on 30th! Today was the engagement. Denzil, Andy, Solo and I had so much fun, we laughed so hard today.  After the engagement and heavy lunch, we went to commercial street to get Denzils suit. We also went to Thoms cafe and bought a lot of things to eat.  It was also parish dinner tonight, so we drank a lot of wine. The dinner was also super tasty (must be the wine that elevated it) I kept the campfire going stacking twigs and woods and got lost in thoughts. 

Thanks to peer pressure, friends coming over from other places, I got a little too high this month. I let loose a little bit.   This one time when I got high, I moved away from my friends, stood by the stream, listening to gurgling water, deep in thoughts. It was almost like meditating, I knew I could get addicted to this. I watched the flowing stream, wishing I had my guitar with me. Just the stream, guitar and I.  I heard the music in my head. Thoughts disappeared, it was just music that I heard. I stood still, listening intently. 

My family took a trip to Mysore yesterday, but I decided to stay back. I booked a table for 2 at JW Marriott and extended invitations to anyone who wanted to come, but everyone were busy with lunch plans with their own families. Usually I go to Denzil’s place as my religious parents go church hopping every year.   This time, I decided to take someone who may not have family around to a Buffet. I’m not going to name the person for anonymity.  The brunch was extravagant. We started with Japanese food. There was sushi, with wasabi and ginger! It was the best amongst all dishes.  Then I saw some imported cheese and salmon. And went for the Italian/french cuisine. The croissants, cheeses and some wine! I tasted everything.  Next I had one pani puri, and kept ordering grilled salmon and prawns. I completely avoided chicken. My eyes fell on pecking duck and whole roasted pig with crispy skin! The chefs and suppliers assisted us. Sausages were more meaty and had le...

I slept quite late yesterday. Denzil called me and woke me up at 8:30 am! We had a long day planned with Allen! He’s getting married to his childhood GF, Jincy on 30th, this month.  So, Solo drove us to Allen’s, we got in to Allen’s car, picked up Andy to Play Arena. We did paint ball, bowling, VR and Go carting. We had a lot of fun.. lot of things can’t be written here! But fun was had!    We finished the day at Byg Brewsky. I drank some beer and some Jim Beam Bourbon with coke. We just ordered food to our hearts content and drove back.

  Jude and Sharmi invited all of us to their place for a Christmas get-together. We started off with carols, Sruthi and I played the instruments and lead the songs we had a riot of fun with inside jokes and tripping on each other! We had dinner, with food items that everyone got from their homes. I bought some port wine!  The highlight was the chocolate cake, baked by Vinod and Sruti! I made fun of Priyanka’s orange cake, calling it kesari bath.  After the cake war, we played games until 12:30! Denzil Solo and I reached back home at 1:30. I stayed up till 3:00 am, knowing I had to wake up early for a day out with the boys! 

I woke up very late! Just in time for breakfast. Then I helped the kids clean and decorate the farm. We all dressed up as characters in the Christmas nativity. I thought it will be easy to be drummer boy. So Kirtana gave me a purple cape that was already shedding feathers. We got through the photo shoot..  Kanish was Jesus, Zoey, Angel. Durga was Mary, Rahul, sheep! Rahul became a talking sheep and made us all laugh with his humour. He was so damn funny we all got into an improv comedy where everyone were trying to kill the sheep and trying to cook him.  After the photoshoot, the parents arrived, they got wine and booze. We all performed for them. The brunch was amazing, they were very friendly and gave us all compliments for teaching the kids.  I must say, I learnt how to be with kids from Kirtana and Konarak. They just don’t judge at all. They listen to the kids and are the most welcoming warm people I know.  After the kids and parents left, I stayed back. Zui and ...

The highlight was the trek today. Zui lead all the kids through the forest. We tracked the poop, hair and prints left by leopards, jungle fowl, bears and porcupines. It was amazing. I was at the back of the line, making sure all the kids were safe. Durga took off her shoes, stepped on a cactus and bled a lot. I helped her pull out the cactus and we used tissues to clean up and she wore her shoes again and was very brave. She had some 10 spots with deep stabs.   After the trek, the kids made a film. I took a nap and woke up for lunch, and soaked my feet in the pond for some fish  spa. And then it was time to sing carols. When the kids took a break, Zui and I jammed and it was amazing.  Kirtana and Kuki asked us to form a band.. and she can kick my ass on guitar! I have to practise more! We stayed up talking about mushroom businesses and the scene until 12:00 and I went to bed.  Also, Vineet Vincent finally released the video, shot long ago by Shruti Hariharan. Link he...

Kanish’s Dad and I drove the kids to the farm. It was a fun drive. We reached the farm at about 10:00 am.  We met Kirtana, Konarak and Zui! They welcomed us to the farm and it was time for lunch. This time lucky for us, the menu had non veg. Appam and chicken curry.  Zui and I took the kids for a short walk through rocks and trees. It was fun babysitting with her.  For dinner it was Mac and cheese, we roasted chickens folded in banana leaves and foil and clay. Clay baked chicken was a hit! It fell off the bone, retained moisture and was delicious. I almost had half a chicken. I helped out with carols around campfire and then we roasted marshmallows.  It was time to hit the bed now. I just dropped dead as I sank into the bed. 

Denzil and I drove to commercial street today. My black suit was getting ready to be altered. Then we called Andy and decided to meet at Fanoos. The traffic was a little too much. We took about 1 hour to reach Fanoos. We bitched about the traffic here and cursed our way to the restaurant.  Andy was already there. We ordered a fat roll and I also had some idiappam with masala kabab, and washed it all down with a Diet Coke. Then Denzil saw Nivedh’s post at Corner House and he wanted some fudge and ice cream. We went to Airlines Hotel, and sat at corner house. I watched my diet, and skipped the icecream.  Jude and Sharmi joined us too and now we were talking about taxonomy, AI and new tech. We winded up as the place shut down at 12:00. Denzil and I drove back home and reached by 1:00  I’m leaving to the Christmas camp with my students. Looking forward to this. 

The warmth that I felt on my feet,  As I started walking again, Left me. I looked for this warm sensation,  In piping hot spicy dishes, burning candles and inside a blanket, One cannot replace the sun.  What if the sun burnt me?  I walk through trees, to catch a glimpse of its rays through the leaves. Too much of sun is bad!  I only need the warmth, in this weather!  I look for my sun,  Through movements and heated conversations!  But they are all like moth to flame.  I retire, into tranquility, I reflect, to find the sun within my deapths,  There it is, the warmth!  Just enough to get me through the winter.  Until the sun shines on me again!

I’m not working, (as in taking classes) until this month end. I canceled classes until January. I’m going to be facilitating the Christmas camp with Zui, Kirtana and Konarak! Let there be carols. Some of my students are joining me as well for camp! They will be performing carols on piano and finger style guitar!  Looking forward to this! 

I had lunch with Denzil today. We cooked chicken steaks and had them with rice and Rasam. I usually over cook it. Denzil showed me how he does it back “home” in the Netherlands! (Yes he called it his home)  He only slow cooks in a pan for 8 to 10 minutes. The steaks were still juicy and not at all chewy and difficult to eat. It was also quite simple to prepare the marinade! The lunch was quite heavy, we both belted almost 1/2 kg chicken.   He also got me The Gouda  from back “home”. 

I shaved so, I’m the devil!  Allen, Denzil and Nivedh are back in town! We couldn’t pick them up at the airport, coz - Bryan Adams.  Today was the church carol service, us boys didn’t set foot inside church we were outside, catching up. For the candle light song, silent night, Divya was blowing everyone’s candles off. So we set out to team up against her. Ofcourse we won!  After church we went carolling and that ended with “surangani” and Ambur Biryani. We decided to hang out and took everyone to Milanos. I delivered a stand up comedy on Allen and Jincy! Everyone had a great laugh at Allen’s expense.  Solomon and I drove back. Tomorrow we will get our suits stitched for Allen’s wedding. Let the celebrations begin.  Allen trying to look like a cute reindeer but looking like Sunny Deol instead…

I finally got the chance to watch and listen to Bryan Adams, the first English artist I ever heard! I met Andy at mall of Asia, I had 2 Gold tickets. On our way we heard Solomon also got a ticket, Platinum! Andy and I beat the traffic and got there early. He bought me a Jetros chicken burger. We went through the checks and I sneaked in some chips, for the fun of it. Andy wanted to somehow get to the vip section, we found a crew member who agreed to take us for 500 bucks each.  He told us to wait for him, but we saw the path he took and we followed him, without him noticing, soon were at the VIP section unchecked! We didn’t like the sound up front so decided to be in the middle. There was no phone signal, but somehow we found the needle in the haystack i.e. Solomon amongst the crowd.  My friend Hemanth’s band Best Kept Secret opened for Bryan Adams. I caught up with him after his set.  Then the show began. It was nice to watch and hear the songs that once blasted off my ca...

Finally I got hold of my Bryan Adams entry pass, I decided to take Andy with me, and he was more than happy to join in. Too bad there’s no “date” to take for the show. I didn’t put enough effort I guess. Arrrgh I give up!  We all went caroling and I played the guitar with Jayanth uncle, they all came home, I gave them cheese cake! Everyone loved it. Thanks to Mrs. Annie!  The kids joined in on guitars and they are all getting better! There’s something magical about Christmas. 

Inspired to compose, I’m working on my first music album! I need more than divine intervention. I already composed the tune called Reflections, in an odd meter, 5/4 grouping it as 2 and 3, so you hear Taka, Takita on repeat. I need to put it all together. The plan is to do this every single day for an hour.  I’m getting Ravi to play the bass and need to ask Nikhil to program the beats.  For me, Reflections is a breath of fresh air, a sigh of relief. I imagine conversations with the muse, from whom my inspiration flows. It’s more of an instrumental now, I want to keep it more abstract.  Maybe I’ll add some lyrics.  Excited! 

My uncle recently underwent a heart surgery, and when I spoke to him over a video call, he mumbled something, he didn’t recognized me.  It was heartbreaking to see him in such a condition.  Now he’s back home recovering. He kept the family together, he was just, did his duties for the family no matter what. He took care of himself. Worked out, he could swim for hours.  There’s so much he has done for me, from taking care of my family when I was young, to buying me my first beer.  A friend sent me this yesterday “One day you will eat your last meal, strum the last chord, smell your last flower, hug someone for the very last time, you might not know it’s the last time you are going to see someone. So that’s why you should do everything you love with passion. Treasure the few years you got, because that’s all there is.  The biggest take away for me is to never take anyone for granted.  I hope for reconciliation.   

The first scar on my skin, Born of an inflamed vaccination. A memory etched on my skin before I could know pain. Then came another, from a live iron box, The burn mark of careless childhood. This one hurt.  I inflicted one myself, To prove my love to N, back in school, A fool’s feelings, too big for my age.  More came from games and fights  I had no reason to start, Each battle I carried on my skin. A tattoo I regret, permanent ink on skin.  And for years, I made no new scars. Until my accident this year! And recently, another scar,  on my left leg, A trophy from a chaotic mosh pit. Enjoyed making this one. Time scribbled these memories,  On the pages of my skin,  But there are others, unseen. Etched not on skin,  Lessons written in silence and in reflection. I will keep making them, Until I learn. For what good is a man with no scars?

 I woke up today at 4:00 am, I got some reading done. Then I got real hungry! I sneaked in to my parents kitchen to see if there were any snacks. I found bread! I had peanut butter made with dates.. and the rest is history. I’m gonna stay warm and continue with Tom Sawyer. 

A shaman was asked, “what is poison?”  He responded, “Anything beyond what we need is poison. It can be power, laziness, food, ego, ambition, vanity, fear anger or whatever.”  My Granny used to say this “Athikamayal amruthum visham”. Which is translated to “Even Nectar in excess is poison”. No matter how good something is, too much of it will cause harm or will be toxic for you. What are you doing too much of? What is the adequate and healthy amount? Only when one is self aware, can one identify what is poisoning them. Once that’s identified, it  takes some will power to say “No” or a “Hell yeah!” to a whole lot of things.  A few months ago, I listed out how I spent my time every day. I noticed I spent a lot of time on phone. I needed some grounding. I wanted to balance out my life. I had stopped working out after my accident, I re-started that. Now I am spending less time on phone and more time moving my body.  That being said, I’m “choosing my poison” I m...

How do you have conversations with the dead? Books. When you read a book written by someone dead, long ago,  you have a conversation with them. Their thoughts become your thoughts. It’s a one sided conversation, so the seeker in you will pursue the unknown concepts that triggered your interest.  Now, there are podcasts. You can hear them and watch them sometimes. Imagine the wealth of information in these podcasts and interviews. We can really get into the mindsets of our heroes.  This doesn’t mean the books written by people who are alive and kicking are any less. But the words they write today will echo into the future, while others, will just fade away into the tides of time.

Yesterday, I completed the 75 Hard challenge. The easy parts were the workouts and the most difficult part was eating tasteless food. Though my dietician included sugar and a little bit of oil, I mostly avoided them for 75 days.  This challenge was not a work-out challenge at all, it was to check mental toughness. I showed up every single day! I just had to prove to myself that I am reliable. There were times when it rained and I had to take a walk in the rain for an hour to meet my step goals.  I sometimes didn’t enjoy reading as much, my thoughts wandered. But I was only reading to form a habit. Now, I’m going to read some of those books again, taking notes etc. But, in the end,  I read 5 non fiction books! My reward for this will be to read Mark Twain’s Tom Sawyer!  I worked out continuously for 75 days with no breaks, now I will need little recovery breaks between workouts.  I drank almost 4 liters of water everyday and stuck to my diet plan! I’ll try my bes...

 Middle Age, is a poem by Kamala Das. It talks about the time when a mother becomes middle aged. It made me think of my own mother, and I thought I’d write this here.  A mother becomes middle aged not when she gets wrinkles, but when her children talk back to her. When children yell back at her for every little thing.  As a child we cried, to get mom to take us with her wherever she went. But now, we avoid her. We don’t want to take her where we go. Now we just say “you go alone” or “you don’t go”.  Middle aged moms are needed only, to make tea, launder clothes, cook and clean. I am sure, our mothers crave to spend time with us, with much more intensity than what we wanted as a child. Perhaps, she may just touch our books and clothes just to feel our presence while we are away. When I read this poem, I understood why my mom comes over to my kitchen with my breakfast, lunch and dinner. I understand why she looks at me, anticipating a “yes”, everytime she wants some he...

11:11 read the clock!  He made a wish this time, he wished for musical abilities. He just wanted to make music that touched people.  He didn’t know why he loved music, why he played music.. But that was all he knew to do. He went on for hours playing, without realizing the time ticking by. He was obsessed. He became one with it.  He felt every note, every vibration through the wood of the guitar to his body. It calmed his spirit.  He went about his day, doing his chores, completing all the tasks, and it was time for bed!  11:11 read the clock! 

I recently found Mark Twain’s  The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, illustrated version, at a book store. I  read this book when I was in my 4th or 5th grade, in Malayalam, it was made into a graphic novel by one of those children’s magazines. This story was my favorite. I read it many times and really liked how resourceful and adventurous Tom was, with his friend Huckleberry Finn.  How could I forget the whitewash scene!! Tom definitely had some psychological insight, he could convince his friends to turn his burden into an opportunity!  I vaguely remember the whole story, just bits and pieces, of his girlfriend Becky, cemetery visits, some treasure etc. I couldn’t resist buying this out of curiosity. I’m so looking forward to begin reading this after a couple of days! 

After a long day at the Mall of Asia, I was very tired. But I still had to complete my workout. I drank at least a liter of water at the gym, but it didn’t hit the spot. Though the weather was cool, I felt warm.  So I went walking to the tender coconut vendor and asked him to cut one with paper thin coconut flesh.  He cut out a big one and I drank that. It hit the spot. My mouth cooled down, I felt the coolness travel down through my internal pipes! It quenched my thirst! 

The Bangalore weather yesterday and right now brought in some good memories from the past. I played some music and chilled at home yesterday, reminiscing the good times I had with a special someone. Maybe it was bad timing or maybe it was just wrong. I made peace that she has her own little family to look after and care for and I should never stand in her way of progress and decided to never get in touch with her. My heart felt very heavy.  I felt lonely, and the weather wasn’t helping! I reached out to a few hinge matches, responding to them. But it all felt incomplete.  Then I heard a doorbell, it was Andy then Solomon joined in. I had to finish my workout. I worked out at home while they hung out, and I walked indoors. We decided to go caroling, but Solomon said he wanted to take a nap. (Poor chap is losing sleep over his “Canadian GF” and late night koochikooing. Andy is also talking to someone, a potential wife! lol) So I decided to go to Orion to pick up an Apple Watch s...