Anish Nadh’s Blog

It’s the weekend!  You had a long week, Worked your ass off! Now it’s your time,  Sip some drinks,  Dream of someone else,   And get your warmth elsewhere,  It’s your weak-end friend,  It’s your weak-end. 

Last night was surreal! I met THE Yatin Kalki at Zui’s farm. He’s a very passionate wildlife biologist! While he went on a walk to look for snakes and other animals we worked on a new song. He caught a small Yellow Collared Wolf Snake, and called to show us. It kept biting him, and he assured us it’s non venomous. He also showed us a Checkered Keel Back right outside on Zui’s pond. We hung out after his herp-walk, and he shared wild stories and facts about many nocturnal animals especially Slender Loris, who happen to be carnivorous and even catch birds to eat! He really has a keen eye to find animals in the dark, talks to his fancy powerful headlight. After that insightful conversation, we bid goodbyes and crashed quite late! 

I’ve always felt misunderstood and judged, even when I was being genuine. The pain that comes from being misunderstood can be deeply damaging. For a long time, I kept searching for answers, trying to explain myself, trying to convince people. But eventually, I realized that it’s not my job to make someone understand me. I’ve presented myself truthfully. That’s enough. True peace comes when you stop chasing validation, from audiences, family, love, or even your past self. Do your work. Live your values. Love freely. If someone doesn’t get it, that’s not your burden to carry.

Ozzy Osbourne is no more. When I was 16, my college band at Cathedrals played a song called  Paranoid . We all head-banged to it. That was my introduction to Ozzy. I loved Ozzy’s personality. There was a  rumour  going around that he was the Antichrist, so I hid in Ozzy’s music to balance out all the religion that was being shoved down my throat. I even had a band with Joey that time. We covered  Nativity in Black  back when I was still playing bass in the band. We won all the college competitions (only coz Joey was amazing). The lyrics went “My name is Lucifer, please take my hand.”, that made us damn cool in the band circles.  We talked about Ozzy often, inked his name on our knuckles with ball pens, and made fun of boy bands. I even bought a cheap Ozzy T-shirt from Shivajinagar and I  lived  in it. My 6 foot tall friend and our band’s roadie, Avinash Nair, wrote down the tabs to  Paranoid  in his math notebook from an “Internet cafe” ...

When was the last time you said,  “What I did was wrong” before blaming someone else? It takes integrity, humility, and courage to admit when you’re wrong. But doing so can bring peace and help you move on without bitterness. We all make mistakes, we’re human, not robots. We mess up sometimes, and that’s okay. Every action has consequences. We just have to face them and take responsibility for our choices. It's tough to live with guilt and shame, but you’ve got to forgive yourself and move forward. If you choose to repeat the same mistake, that’s your decision!, but be aware, there  will  be consequences. Growth only begins the moment you stop running from the truth and start owning your story. Along with being kind to yourself you must be honest as well. That’s when healing begins. 

You got one life, so cheat!  Buy gifts!  Do acts of kindness,  Get that physical touch!  Hear the words of affirmations!  Spend quality time!  You deserve it!  You need the attention,  The validation,  The looks from strangers,  The admiration from your peers!  Your need to share things,  Cheat emotionally, physically  financially!  Have that revenge!  Micro cheat, there’s Instagram!  Linked-in is great too! It’s all about connections  Make as many as you can! Go to town with it!  Get on a dating app with a fake name! Get that gym membership!  Go on “solo” trips  Make eye contact with strangers!  Stay on call with your lover!  Share romantic songs!  Say,  We are just friends to your wife!  Write cute notes for her!  Send him food!  Hide your phone, emails and your social media!  Call the professor by his name!  Tell your wife, you’re out with ...

Who doesn’t love gossip? We watch, share, and laugh about it all the time. Look at us right now going to town with a Coldplay kiss cam video!  The truth is, most people: men and women, sometimes find others more attractive than their own partners. And it's natural to form connections with people outside our relationships. Expecting one person to meet all our emotional, physical, and intellectual needs can be a bit unfair. Deep down, we all know this. We also admire celebrities! Men might keep staring at pictures of Kim Kardashian, and women swoon over Shah Rukh Khan on TV. Are these just harmless fantasies and admiration?  Sometimes, at work or in social settings, we meet someone and feel a strong pull towards them. We talk, we share things, we laugh. Dopamine gets released in the brain, and suddenly we’re feeling good, maybe even confused. It is not always love, but sometimes it is! Sometimes its just chemistry, hormones, and timing (sometimes bad timing)  And that’s whe...

There’s blood oozing down from your teeth!  How do I ignore it? You vampire! You bit off more than you can chew!  You can’t kill me.  I’m barely alive!  I’ll survive.  

My blog is late, I had been to a concert at Windmills! Oz Noy Trio, was the band. I was mind blown when I heard Giant Steps played on the guitar. I was totally lost and this one show slapped me back to reality.  Also today morning, I worked on Solfeggio in C minor, it was difficult to play, but I’m making slow progress I can’t wait to work on it tomorrow some more.  I also noticed how my energy was with certain people when I hung out with them. I really don’t like to add any filter and hold back when I talk. It’s so difficult to come off non offensive and have someone who I can just be myself with.  With all humility, I will agree. I fucked up; so, I decided to avoid deep conversations with random people. I really don’t need to know anyone’s mindset. Just me on my lane.  It’s almost 1:00 am at this point, I can just drop asleep in this cab, so listening to Coltrane’s Giant Steps . 

Limits were tested, Boundaries were drawn. We were no victims,  Just two intertwining souls! We gave and we took, We spoke and we listened, We shared everything,  Everything under the sun. You made me food, You shared songs of love, You spoke with such kindness… So I fell in love with you. Our conversations took me Under a sky full of stars. I wait every day To hear from you again. No, I haven’t spoken about you much! No one will ever know. I’ll take this secret to my grave, Nobody will ever know. Yes, it’s true, I want a child from you. Would any man love you?  Love you as I do? As the tides of time turns,  Our paths may never cross!  You’ll never read these words!  Only God knows these words are true. 

Everyone seems so eloquent and flawless with the English language these days, thanks to ChatGPT! What used to be simple conversations no longer feel natural. It's like everyone suddenly has the vocabulary of Shashi Tharoor. Let me share an instance. I recently received an annoyingly long message from someone pointing out the faults in me. But I was  mesmerized  by how well it was written. This person was never so expressive or articulate when we spoke face to face. I hesitated a bit to respond because I knew I’d be competing with ChatGPT. But I sent a one-liner, apologizing anyway because I was at fault here! Who wants to fight Ai? Not me! I understand bloggers, businesses, or websites using AI for content. I have used the platforms too! But using AI for  conversations ? That’s THE next level. I suppose it’ll just take time for people to get used to translating their thoughts through AI, sending them off, and then having the receiver use AI again to decode it back into so...

1. Surround yourself with people whose eyes light up when they see you coming. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay. Some people reveal their true colours over time. When they no longer need you, they move away and that’s okay. You don’t have to keep holding space for people who only show up when it’s convenient for them. Even if they’re family, it’s okay to walk away from places where you feel disrespected or blamed for things you didn’t do alone. You deserve to be in circles where you’re valued, respected, and genuinely wanted. 2. Slowly, is the fastest way to get to where you want you be.  You don’t need shortcuts or quick wins. You’d rather take your time, work with care, and build something gradually. It’s like investing, you value steady, long term growth than the rush that day trading gives to you. Even learning music is enjoyable when you work on something slowly and keep working at it, till you get it up to speed.  3. The top of one mountain is the botto...

I played a bitter sweet symphony,  The guitar listened,  We both hummed along.  I played with passion,  I felt the music.  It was the best few minutes!  We were in the zone.  Together,  We made music,  I fused into it!  I just couldn’t think.  Blood rushed through my veins.  I floated in that feeling,  I loved the way, it made me feel.  I played, just for me,  The secret music that no one else will ever hear.  My right hand plucked the strings roughly,  The other held her neck gently fretting,  My lips sang gloriously!  I felt my soul leave my body,  And connect to a bigger entity.  The universe and I,  We became one.  I broke every sacred rule of music,  Religion couldn’t contain me,  “Heavenly Father I have sinned” Shame.  Guilt.  But the Symphony?  Bloody Sweet!

I watched a few Wimbledon matches recently and was quite impressed by Djokovic’s calmness and composure during the game. Even during high pressure, he kept his cool and was super focused. He has been reappearing on Wimbledon for atleast a decade now.  I looked him up, and noticed that he was a man of routine, with intense workout, training and he even ate clean. Growing up in war zones, he trained through the bombings, I found it very inspiring. He credited his supportive parents for all his achievements. And he has a very well balanced work-life situation with his wife and kids. They accompany him to the games.   I saw the match he lost to Sinner, perhaps Sinner was much younger and quicker at his feet. Though Djokovic is out from the finals, I’m sure he left a great impression to many around the world.  “For when the One Great Scorer comes to mark against your name, He writes not that you won or lost, but how you played the game! ” Grantland Rice

I spent time nurturing your light, And you spent yours nurturing mine. Together, our light burned bright. But in the blink of an eye a whirlwind, Extinguished your precious light… and mine. Darkness. In the dark, the wind carried us apart. We learned no one else can nurture our own light. “we won’t let anyone else extinguish it again” we decided.  I chose to stay away, from threats and natural calamities, Picked up my extinguished lamp and fed it oil. Then,  I heard the strike of a match.  A spark! My lamp was lit once more. I watched my light spread, Pushing back the dark. Then I saw her face, She was beautiful. It was her. She had started the fire. I wait for the next whirlwind! 

Today I attended an acoustic guitar concert by Sanjay Devicha. I met Anurag from Rolling Stones Magazine and  Bruce. Bruce also played tonight.  Not getting into details but, I had the best pasta ever! It was creamy with a hint of lemon and of-course with a generous serving of Parmesan cheese. On the menu was beer, which I avoided, then came salad, chicken, eggplant and pasta. Dessert was caramel custard and Dutch chocolate cake.  After this, I listened to Frank Zappa and Paco de Lucia on vinyl. Then it was all fun and games until 3:00.  Amongst all the fun, I forgot to blog. But the challenge is to write before I sleep. I’m still wide awake. On to a long night.

I see myself kneeling at your feet, Tears in my eyes. Oh, what would I be Without your guiding light? Who is a teacher? I’ve had many. But I only consider The ones who broke me. You broke me with sound.  I listened, watched your every move. I pretended to be you, But your shoes were too big for me. You broke me with words.  Your questions provoked thoughts That led to action, Yet I couldn’t reach the peak. You broke me with torture.  Punished me at times, Sent me back without a lesson, Challenged every bit of my soul. You broke me with kindness.  Lessons you freely gave, Sprinkled with care and love. You saw potential. You broke me with your presence.  The air that filled the room. You were a mountain; I, a speck of dust. You broke me with silence.  Your absence, heartfelt. A lesson in detachment.  The most important one. I fall at your feet, Teacher, With reverence and gratitude. Someday, I’ll make you proud. Thank you for the  lessons . 

Why drink?  When you can’t just keep it all in?  Why go through the pain?  The discomfort on your face!  I want to hold you,  Take you home,  Run my hands through your hair, and put you to sleep.  Take care love,  We never spoke much.  Though our wandering eyes met.  The only connection we had was through music.  What we had was divine,  Let this not reduce to mortal cravings.  What we have is divine.  Let this not reduce to mortal cravings. 

I found my magic lamp,  With a genie and all!  Rubbed the magic lamp,  I was granted three wishes.  I wished for a companion,  Then I got bored!  I asked for conversations,  I needed new perspectives.  The glutton in me wanted a taste,  And taste I got.  Now, I just have great taste! 

Scars and marks left on walls,  Needs periodic attention.  As they pile up,  One memory is overwritten.  Then there’s too much to remember. It’s time to get that paint,  And have a go,  To start again,  To learn from mistakes,  To many more new memories,  Until I erase them again. 

I know you as Cat!  You brushed against my shin, flicked your tail at my calves tickled me to goosebumps until I picked you up. We were young, fast and attention seeking. We leapt off the compound walls, when we landed on fours.  You were perfect while I bruised my elbows.  Stupid cat, chasing random things I threw, perpetually boxing tiny objects with your soft paws. I wanted to bite your cute face, until you were banished from home after you cat-walked in, with a half alive squirrel.  I learnt your name changed with your skin. I saw your claw marks carved into our wooden chicken coop door. You only took what you could chew. They hated you while I wondered what happed to you. You were called a Kaatu Poocha (wild cat). Your wicked stories spread like wild fire triggered by the mysterious pair of glowing orbs in the dark. Even the comics I read antagonized you. I was suddenly forbidden to wander at night. What if your relatives took me away? Instead, the city took me ...

I left my body,  Saw myself sleeping!  How was it possible?  So I decided to talk back!  We spoke about music. 

I see you! You’re losing bone!  You still try; to do a lot,  A lot more than you can!  I want to hold you,  Forever.  I’ll be there for you!  I love you!  That’s a promise. 

Allegro fudge was asked to do a U2 tribute show and we had a week to prepare. I had the main parts to play for this particular gig as compared to our originals. Finally we pulled it off. I had to wear a beanie to appear like “The Edge” of U2, off I went to an under construction shop at Brigade.  We could only play 2 songs before the cops shut us down for creating a traffic block. The gig was amazing I signed autographs and felt awkward!  The band stopped playing a few years later after the vocalist Saahas decided to settle in the US of A!  Listen/ Watch here

Ok, I have to admit. I love sushi! Yes! I had some raw Norwegian salmon today and after doing a lot of mundane chores in Church Street and some light shopping, I returned home fatigued. As I fumbled into my slumber, I got a video call from Nikhil and Zui. They sang Beatles “Because”.  Zui sang John’s part, Nikhil went all falsetto on Paul and I was George. It was quite difficult for us to hold the breath and sustain the notes. We plan to meet soon and put this all together.   I love the chord work and the simple lyrics in this song and all that weaves in with the harmonies.  Because… 

Ask me the notes on C#m7b5, I’ll tell you the notes and even play it out for you! But ask me about the story of a movie I saw a month ago, I have no recollection. I have to watch the movie again, to recollect the story.  Same goes with stories some friends have shared. I’m often asked, “ How could you not remember this? ” Or “ I already told you about this!”. Most of the times, I have no recollection of these incidents. It’s not that I wasn’t listening, my brain just didn’t save it. It is definitely some ADHD thing.  Maybe I recollect the music better, because it’s embodied. My muscle memory with tactile learning and emotional investment on the instrument helps recollect. But sometimes I forget the tune and it all comes back with a bit of a prompt from somewhere. It bothers me that I can’t remember, sometimes words fail me, I can’t say or write what I’m truly feeling, while it’s all abstract and beautiful in my head. So, whatever thing I do, it’s just relentless pursuit t...