Half remembered, fully felt.

Ask me the notes on C#m7b5, I’ll tell you the notes and even play it out for you! But ask me about the story of a movie I saw a month ago, I have no recollection. I have to watch the movie again, to recollect the story. 

Same goes with stories some friends have shared. I’m often asked, “How could you not remember this?” Or “I already told you about this!”. Most of the times, I have no recollection of these incidents. It’s not that I wasn’t listening, my brain just didn’t save it. It is definitely some ADHD thing. 

Maybe I recollect the music better, because it’s embodied. My muscle memory with tactile learning and emotional investment on the instrument helps recollect. But sometimes I forget the tune and it all comes back with a bit of a prompt from somewhere.

It bothers me that I can’t remember, sometimes words fail me, I can’t say or write what I’m truly feeling, while it’s all abstract and beautiful in my head. So, whatever thing I do, it’s just relentless pursuit to communicate, to be seen and heard. 

This selective recall is a blessing in disguise. I’m always chasing stories, forgetting them, getting inspired, chasing some more, sometimes the same tale, like a dog chasing its own tail! Ok imma stop here. Bye.